If that’s all I say then
that should motivate you
to sell everything and
get to the liquor store.
It took me a “few sips”
to get into it, but this
wine is…
I DON’T KNOW.
GOOD?
I don’t even know where
the wine comes from. Yet.
Don’t care.
Didn’t bother reading the label.
I still haven’t “gone educational”
and I’m past the shoulder.
Taurus?
Sagittarius?
Oh, how silly of me…
I CAN’T HELP IT.
This Pinot Noir goes with yellow pants.
Swiveling hips.
Harmony.
Brown skin.
Brotherly love.
Puppies and kittens.
Warm solar rays on a cold day.
Commission-free option trades.
Oops, I’m Earthbound and down…
And for the record…
Brown Lab: Am I your favorite
thing?
OWTN: Well Sweetie, there are
lots of “things” out there.
BL: Well, am I your favorite
BROWN thing?
OTWN: I don’t know. There’s
chocolate and…
BL: Then am I your favorite brown
thing that poops in the yard?
OTWN (thinking seriously):
Well maybe. At least until
I catch Halle Berry
poopin’ in my yard.
Look at those GSDs. Based upon their
“positioning”, I’d say they are more
intelligent than central bankers.
See how “interesting” this wine
is?
Saint Peter: Why does your brain
look like swiss cheese?
OTWN: I lived on Earth.
SP: Why didn’t you take drugs
like everybody else?
OTWN: I wasn’t thinking.
SP: Nobody else was. Why should
you be different?
OTWN: I drank Pinot Noir.
SP: Ah yes. What kind did
you like the best?
OTWN: I don’t know. My eyesight
got blurry by the time I
got curious about what I was
drinking.
SP: Saint Gregory should be able
to fix your eyesight.
OTWN: Which one?
SP: Huh?
OTWN: Which saint, not which eye,
don’t be silly.
SP: Go stand in the corner and
don’t trip over those CAB drinkers.
Prequel…
St. Gregory (du jour): How can
I help you my son?
OTWN: I can’t read the bottle
label.
SG: Let me have a taste.
OTWN (hedging the risk that he
could be talking to an ex-Pope.):
I thought you were “all-knowing”.
SG: I am. But I’m thirsty too.
OTWN: Well?
SG: This wine hails from an area
just a bit south of MY DOMAIN.
OTWN: Is that bad?
SG: Let me have another sip.
Jeopardy…
Answer: Sonoma Coast
OWTN Question: What is the
California AVA that encompasses
a confusing area of land that
produces wines that only
saints and lemming herders
can love?.
Long live lemming herders.
And pilgrims that can cover
the 80 miles from from Bodega Bay
to Mendocino without dying
of thirst.
(I’m leaving the saints to fend
for themselves and I don’t care
if the pilgrims are long-lived.)
Might I suggest that they
(saints, lemmings, and
pilgrims) fill their
camel packs with
THIS WINE.
(I’m an equal opportunity
offerer of fine wine advice.)
UN
FREAKING
BE
LEE
VA
BULL
Hang in there.
P.S.
Imaginary Editor: You
didn’t say anything intelligent
about the wine.
OTWN: What wine?
IE: The Ant wine.
OTWN: I don’t remember
drinking it.
IE: But you just finished
half a bottle.
OTWN: It must have been
good.
IE: Well then write something
intelligent.
OTWN: I’m an option trader dude,
not a silly wine lover.
IE: Let me see your P&L.
OTWN: Here.
IE (after reading the P&L):
Let me pour you another drink
while you reconsider your forte.
So, it was “reasonable” to question
whether Riesling was in there.
Also, check the reference to
“capsaicin”.
That could be the “harshness”
I’m detecting, but I would never
make the connection.
Day Two…
This wine is SIMPLY STUNNING.
A German-style white with just
a tiny bit of sweetness to balance
the gratuitous and appreciated acidity.
All the usual suspects in
the flavor department.
With each sip, you try to
find a fault, but none appears.
Nothing but pure pleasure.
Chef’s note: I cooked the
rice in a LOW and SLOW manner,
allowing the grains to FULLY
absorb the moisture and
seasoning flavors required
to make the rice EDIBLE.
Freaking delicious.
Saint Peter: You’re out of
breath. What happened?
OTWN: I was running away
from a rice stampede and…
SP: Did it catch you?
OTWN: Yes, I tripped and
was instantly covered by a
mountain of cereal grain.
SP: You’re lucky it wasn’t
potatoes.
OTWN: Lovely, but I’m dead
and my favorite wine is
buried under the rice.
SP: You can’t have everything.
OTWN: But I’m dead now.
SP: Hand me your glass.
OTWN: Hey, that’s my Sprockets!
SP: Possessive you are.
OWTN: Gimme that bottle.
I’ll pour YOU some if you’re good.
SP: I was just going to admit you.
OTWN: Hand me your glass.
Let’s not put this one to
bed without “researching”
the Huxelrebe grape…
The low (12%) ALC tempts
me to enjoy for a longer
time/volume than I normally
would at one sitting.
Lest you disremember…
Buelton is one of the
points in the MAGIC triangle
or trapezoid that is
located in Santa Barbara
and it should be
no surprise that an excellent
Gamay Noir comes from this
area since the grape of note
heretofore for me is Pinot Noir.
…one is left drooling
and pining for an Oregon offering.
This note ends abruptly because
I was totally distracted by
the wine AND OTHER THINGS.
I just wish I could remember
to try this one again.
Let me see…
Sommelier: If I were you, I
would try this SoCal Gamay Noir.
OTWN: But you ain’t me.
Sommelier: You should try it
no matter who I am.
OTWN: What if you’re not really
a Sommelier?
Sommelier: Look, just try this
GN. It’s freaking good.
OTWN: It’s not French.
Sommelier: It’s better than
French.
OTWN: That doesn’t make sense.
Sommelier: I’m a wine expert dude,
not a logician.
OTWN: Prove it.
I saved this one to have with quiche and
then both the wine and quiche disappeared
before I knew what was happening.
The only thing I THINK I remember is that
the wine was richer in flavor and less
acidic than I would expect.
“Earthier” too maybe.
Now that I’m thinking about it, I
seem to remember fruit that was “milder”
than straight citrus. The white peach and
nectarine mentioned in the link below
sounds like it.
I will probably buy another one of
these with the hope that I will take
proper notes next time.
Saint Peter: Why did you
drink that disgusting, generic
Castle Rock stuff?
OTWN: I couldn’t afford anything
better.
SP: Why didn’t you work harder?
OTWN: I was always hung over.
SP: You didn’t HAVE TO drink
ALL the time. Did you?
OTWN: No, but I became an
option trader late in life.
SP: You’ve suffered enough brother,
follow me.
Wife: Wake up, wake up,
you were smiling in your sleep.
OWTN: HE let ME in!!!
W: It was just a dream.
After you take the trash out,
go stand in the corner.
You’ll need the practice.
Finances dictate that SOME
of the stuff I drink be
“affordable”.
I can’t imagine what the
“Vintner’s Sewage” is like.
No matter.
The FIRST thing I encounter
in a respectable PN is the perfume.
This perfume is like that worn
by a high school coed at homecoming.
Best appreciated from the opposing stands.
That’s not to say that it
is NOT seductive, it just takes
more effort than I can muster
to appreciate.
But, but, but…
Let me warm up to it a bit.
Ah yes. After two hot dogs
with mustard, this wine is
coming into it’s own.
A match made in perdition.
Saint Peter: You weren’t going
to survive the torture for
buying cheap wine. You are
lucky to be here.
OTWN: What does LUCK have
to do with it?
SP: It’s just a figure of
speech.
OTWN: Yeah? Then you are
holier than thou.
SP: Go stand in the corner.
OTWN: But they’re wearing
cheerleader’s outfits.
SP: Have something against
cross-dressers?
OTWN: What kind of perfume
are they wearing?
OTWN: My headaches won’t
go away.
Doctor: What kind of diet
are you on?
OTWN: Pinot Noir.
Doctor: How much do you
drink?
OTWN: Not enough, apparently.
Doctor: Why don’t you
try something different?
OTWN: What could be better
than headaches?
But, but, but
what is the wine like?
It’s like something your boss
gives you for Christmas.
Happy Trails, Hans…
Or maybe it’s as beautiful
as this little nightingale…
Option Trader's Wine Notes 