Since I get so bored
making these mindlessly
dull notes about boring
wine, I was going to
skip the notes on this
pick of the litter.
But, but, but,,,
This wine is SO GOOD.
If I was tired of it
I might shut up.
If the wine was nothing
less than Mmmmmmmmmmmm,
I might not ever buy it
again.
But I keep buying it,
and continue to be seduced.
Today I’m noticing that
the wine label DOES NOT
contain information about
inbred family member’s
love of knotty fence posts,
but rather contains some
PERTINENT INFORMATION
ABOUT THE WINE.
I’m pretty sure that
highly paid winemakers
marry outside
of their clan.
At the risk of
repeating myself,
this one is
“rich” without
ANY of the
defective baggage.
Not too hot.
Not too oaky.
Not too acidic.
Not too tannic.
Not too pruney.
What are the odds
of a winemaker making
a rich PN WITHOUT
delivering one of
these “faults”?
I DON’T KNOW.
I’m an option trader
Jim, not a statistics
professor.
I don’t have a PRECISE
idea what PH THIS or
TA THAT means but it is
nice to know that the
winemaker does not have
brain damage.
We don’t need no
stinkin’ containers,
hand me that goat
bladder full of Zin.
(Don’t ask for it
on the rocks.)
I DON’T KNOW, but
the low ALC leads me
to believe that there
is a wee bit of sugar
in this one.
That’s OK, it GOES
WITH the potato salad.
(Are they dating?)
Wine Babe: I have a date,
I’m leaving.
Single Mom: Who is it?
WB: Mr. Potato Head.
SM: Are you “going
with” HIM?
WB: Sure, he’s a bit
starchy, but he has
great tubers.
SM: Does he have any
leafy green friends?
WB: Oh, you mean Mr.
Pot Head?
This is WAY TO EASY
to drink.
Sheesh.
Story Time…
My first “wine experience”
was “Boone’s Farm” during
freaking MARDI GRAS in
1970.
I brought three friends
home to NOLA from my
“religious school” in
Birmingham AL just for
the weekend before
Mardi Gras.
One of my “friends” was
a rich kid with a brand
new Gran Torino.
Saturday night was party
time as I gathered up
several of my local church
misfits to help us
celebrate my
first +18yo “outing”.
You could drink
ANYTHING legally in
NOLA if you were
18, or younger if
the cashier was a
friend or even a young
person, or you had
an older brother,
or you stole liquor
out of the back of
WRECKED cars, yada,
yada, yada.
Nobody checked.
WHAT
A
MESS
SOME OF US
survived and
I learned to
eschew cheap wine.
I also learned to
consult the dictionary
before writing words
whose meaning escapes
me.
(You got that right.)
On the other hand…
CHEAP = FUN = GOOD
(I majored in MATH
when I was sober.)
But, but, but…
What about the wine?
Buy more, drink more.
How hard is that?
Crash Victim: I
should have bought
more insurance.
Option Trader: I
can sell you a good
policy on your
totaled vehicle.
CV: Why?
OT: So you won’t lose
MORE money if you total
it again.
CV: Where do I sign?
OT: Right under “loser”.
CV: How do I know you
can pay up?
OT: Your car isn’t worth
anything NOW.
CV: Oh yeah, OK.
And just in case you
have the 23rd, 20th, and
6th letters of the alphabet
wedged between your ears…
I was there “early”
and got the chance to
abuse her with questions.
“Boss”: What’s up?
ME: It’s 3pm on Friday,
I have to leave.
“B”: Where are you going?
ME: Vino 100.
“B”: I want to be a consultant.
ME: OK, then. Shut up and listen.
TO SOMETHING.
She was a lawyer or
SOMETHING with a kid
in little league baseball.
Gustavo had a kid on
the same team.
They met at a game
and she convinced him
to be the brains
behind a private
label/brand of wine
while she handled
the business and marketing
end.
Everything was “contracted
out” except the actual
blending of the grapes
and winemaking.
She said that he could
just smell the “stuff”
and KNOW whether it
was going to become
WINE or NOT.
“Bottle Shock” is a
must-see movie for any
wine lover.
ESPECIALLY
THOSE
THAT
AREN’T
FAMILIAR
WITH
CHARDONNAY
ADAM
And while I was
groping for my
map and flashlight,
I came upon this…
Sometimes, there are days
when you NEED a drink
and the “notes” can just
WAIT.
Today isn’t one of those days.
Nevertheless, I (meaning
ME), decided to NOT take
notes RIGHT AWAY.
No first sip nonsense.
No aroma insanity.
No “mouth feel” superfluous
mumbo jumbo.
Then WHAT?
Just an “overall sensation”
after drinking HALF THE
FREAKING BOTTLE, and before
letting the world intrude.
GOOD.
GOOD WHAT? GOOD meaning
that it’s OK not to take
notes, or GOOD as an
indication that one might
like this wine?
YES.
Silliness Alert: The
author of this note has
ventured into a region
of silliness that 80%
of wine note authors
are unwilling to go.
Continued reading of
this note constitutes a
tacit recognition on
your part that you are
equally silly or more so..
Yes, this is the best
cinnamon PN that I can
REMEMBER drinking.
Have you (meaning ME
as I talk to myself)
ever had this one before?
I don’t remember.
Let’s consult the local
listings…
(Lemme say that there
is no FORMAL contraction
for “let me”, so I’m using
the US contraction
and hoping that you
and/or my imaginary
friends will join me as
I scan my old notes.)
Hmmm…
I HAVE HAD this one
before ON HALLOWEEN
and my prior notes were
“interesting” even to me,
AND even more so in hindsight.
Huh?
(I woke up this morning
with the overwhelming
urge to use a verb in the
present perfect tense.
I feel better now.)
Patient: I’m troubled.
I talk to my dead dog
BINKS all the time and
all she cares about is
what’s for lunch.
Shrink: What IS for lunch?
P: Sauteed Honey Baked
turkey and Meunster on
toasted wheat bread.
S: AND THEN?
P: Messmer rosé.
S: He seems OK to
me BINKS. Let’s eat.
Since I use snowflakes
(the frozen water kind)
for bookmarks, I
easily lose my place.
If I didn’t take
notes I would not be
aware that PN MAKES
REALLY GREAT ROSÉ.
Sorry PN…
Now I’m wondering
about the relative
merits of the
various grape
varieties used in
rosé.
Learning never tasted
so good on an empty
mind.
I’m not sure that
I have yet to convey
the extent to which
I have enjoyed this wine.
Option Trader's Wine Notes 